Funny Quotes

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."

"Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are."

"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

"The road to success is always under construction."

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."

"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."

"The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time."

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."

"A day without laughter is a day wasted."

"The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets."

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."

"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese."

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."

"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."

"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."

"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"