"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."

"Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow I..."

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you..."

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specif..."

"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"

"The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets."

"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."