"A day without laughter is a day wasted."

"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese."

"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."

"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."

"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specif..."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."