"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."

"The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time."

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specif..."

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese."

"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"

"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."

"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."