My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
— Mitch Hedberg
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"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you..."
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
"The road to success is always under construction."
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."
"If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquit..."
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