"The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets."

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specif..."

"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you..."

"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."

"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"

"A day without laughter is a day wasted."